August 23, 2003
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I am so sad today. Actually, I was fine until my sister and family left in the late afternoon. M and I collapsed on the sofa and watched "Road to Perdition," which I found to be depressing. Of course this melancholy has nothing to do with the film. It's not even the usual separation anxiety. I am just overwhlmingly sad.
I love my sister's kids. I love them all, but the wee guy in the middle moves me in mysterious ways. I worry about him. I can sit and watch him for hours, but even when he's being completely silly and hilariously goofy, there's something about him that makes me worry. He is such a special boy. It's beyond words. He is all good, full of tenderness and love, a wonderful sense of humor and a remarkable view point on life. He says the most extraordinary things sometimes, things that make you freeze and wonder how on earth could a 4 year old come up with such an amazing observation. He's so fragile. I want to wrap my arm around him and protect him because there is so much evil in the world and he is so pure.
Comments (16)
I love four year olds- isn't amazing how we can feel such a strong bond with one special child?
I feel the same way about my niece and nephews.
It's the 'worrying for him,' that drives me insane. I keep feeling that I need to protect him. Is that normal, do you think? I love his brother and baby sister, but I don't worry for them at all.
Caught ya! Red handed, too!
Catching in the rye. You know, I was catching in the rye not more than a few months ago. Oh who am I kidding? I'm catching in the rye all the time. But I must say, it should be an instinct of every decent human being.
Hmm, I also think it should be one of my official occupations.
I pray for protection of my loved ones. When my children started at school, it was the first time that they were out of my circle of protection. The thought made me frantic! Then I realized that, although I cannot be with them their every living moment, God can--and is. So I always trust them into HIS care, reminding Him that it's His job, not mine. Worry is very scary. But it doesn't fix a thing. It's not even particulary loving, as it puts a stranglehold on the person it's attached to, and if they know it, it burdens them...
Joe, I nominate you Quirkia's Catcher in the Rye. It's official now.
Chele, I know what you're saying and you're right, but it is an irrational fear. It is something about this particular boy. I don't know what it is, or why. Perhaps that's why it makes me uneasy.
I know about the feeling of wanting to protect.
*hugs*
I found your first ever Xanga posting endearing.
I feel that way about one of my nieces. Both of them (they're twins) are overweight, but Jennifer breaks my heart for some reason. Then, of course I feel that way about my brother's daughter too- the one who has no parents to speak of? I just want to wrap her up and protect her from everyone and everything. Sometimes it's painful just to be with her.
Guess it just means we have a lot of love, ev. xo
I know. The thing is, though, that this little boy has a warm family and everything seems good. He's popular with his kindergarten friends. It's just crazy. Your niece breaks my heart, too.
What you're talking about reminds me of what it feels like to be a parent, especially of a child who is right about the age of your nephew. It's about then that children are right on the edge of being exposed to the "real world" and fending for themselves among peers. The blissful ignorance that precedes that time, is something I've often wished everyone could possess. Not ignorance in the sense of being stupid, of course, but rather being unconcerned with one's social position, and innocently curious about so many things. When it comes to our own kids (or close relatives), we easily find ourselves mourning that loss of innocence in advance.
It sounds the same as the way I feel about my brother.. he's 23, he's moved out of my parents' house (into their other house, with two friends heh) he's finished two degrees, bought a yummy car and has a great job.. but he's this gentle spirit, an incredibly kind soul, and I worry about him.. I have the same fear that someone will hurt him.
His first girlfriend dumped him at his high school formal in senior year, and proceeded to hit on one of his best mates (who, to his credit, told her to get lost).. but I always resented that girl for hurting my brother.. and was always angry I never got chance to scream at her or, you know, scratch her eyes out or something. I'm hopelessly protective of him, and it tears me up knowing I can't always be there for him
Ron, do you think that's what it is ? The truth is I am afraid to even speak of my fear. I am horrified that this fear is an insight of some sort, you know?
Morgane, you don't strike me as the shakespearian 'scratch her eyes out' type of a heroine ! But of course I know what you're saying. I would bite, chew and spit an ear off of anyone who'd hurt this boy, or his brother. Or maybe not an ear.
I am so overwhelmed by the comments here, by the way. Strangely, it's a relief to know we all have someone who make us feel that way.
I feel that way with my kids.. the adorableness.. its just .. Like being IN LOVE>
I think it's normal, y'know.. I think it'd be sad not to have people who make you feel that way, who bring out the best in you. Heck, just being around my little brother (*heh* ~ he's 6'4".. and in a lot of ways, lately, he's become more like a big brother than a little one) makes me want to be a better person.
But oh yeah.. hurt him? I'd get pretty mediaeval
dustmite, I don't have kids, yet, so I wouldn't know, but I'm sure people aren't sad and worried about their children, constantly..are they? because that is a scary thought. I hope I manage to relax, when we finally do have a child. I'd be a nervous wrack ! My own children would hate me. Crikey, I think I've just found something new and exciting to obsess over.
Oh god, Morgane, I know. My little sister is quite quite tall. When we hug, she has to bend over. In fact, when we hug, she has to stand two stairs below me, so that I don't yell at her for not giving me the respect I so desrve. Still, I call her tiny because I'm pathetic this way.
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